Captains of Industry

I always had in mind a sort of Gilbert & Sullivan tune for this, but I’ll probably never get around to recording it, at any rate with two principals and full orchestra, so for now you’ll have to imagine it. There again, given the levels of cronyism and corruption that we now take for granted from our government, I might edit it to make a little more of the no doubt laudable links between our leaders and the billionaire classes. We’ll see.

[A = Lord Bibbenbrace; B=Sir Allen Key – if it matters!]

A & B:

We rise in the morning at nine
Glide into the office at ten
Just in time for morning and tea

A:

Just an arrowroot biscuit and coffee for me

A&B:

At eleven we both buckle down
To push the wheels of industry round
At half-past to the club for lunch we’re bound

It’s a busy old life for such as we
But the rich man’s burden we would not flee
We tireless captains of industry

A:

Lord Bibbenbrace…

B:

…and Sir Allen Key

A:

When I return to the office at three
A mountain of work waits for me
My putting’s in need of such polish, you know
So it’s round and round on the carpet I go

B:

There’s no such diversion for me
But tea at the Ministry
And tomorrow to lunch in the City I’ll go
And there I’ll confer with an MP I know
About on whose expenses the drinks will go

It’s a busy old life for such as we
But the rich man’s burden we would not flee
We tireless captains of industry

A:

Lord Bibbenbrace…

B:

…and Sir Allen Key

B:

Through many a long sleepless night
I’ve pondered the economy’s plight
The financial climate is such a disgrace
It’s a wonder the Cabinet dares show its face

A:

Oh, I have my sleepless nights too
As I’m sure I don’t have to tell you
Trying so hard that my poor head aches
To recall what it is my company makes
Except huge tax-free profits
And accounting mistakes

A&B:

It’s a taxing existence for such as we
But the rich man’s burden we would not flee
We tireless exploiters of bureaucracy

A:

Lord Bibbenbrace…

B:

…and Sir Allen Key

B:

Such labour we have to endure…

A:

Labour?!?!?!

B:

I do beg your pardon!
Such travail we have to endure
To meet all the workers’ demands…

By the way, have you actually seen a worker recently?

A:

Of course: only last year I had to take a shortcut through the works on the way to my Rolls

A&B:

We treat them as part of the family
We shake hands with shop stewards and offer them tea
And all in the name of (sigh…) democracy…

A:

Lord Bibbenbrace…

B:

…and Sir Allen Key